One of the nice things about being between contracts is being able to indulge myself in art. It’s also a chance for me to do ‘comfort art’, art that is in a familiar style that I don’t often do.
This is an example of ‘comfort art’. Art that is soothing to do, is intuitive and surprising in how it turns out. I start with pen and paper (dot grid in this case), and just start with a single motif. I then let the design grow from that point, organically and intuitively.
There are always sticking points where I want to give up as it doesn’t look right, or I’m not happy with what I’ve just drawn. However, I’ve learned to persevere past these points and the end design is usually one I’m happy enough with.
There were many sticking points in this one, some of which I thought were going to be shatter points.
Although I’ve deemed this illustration ‘done’, as I reflect on it now, I can see places where some added line texture would help the design be less homogeneous in places and would add some contrast.
Also, some shadows would help add dimension to the illustration. Having said that, colour would really bring the drawing to life too.
For now, though, this design is finished. Whether I work some more on it remains to be seen.
I used Uniball Unipin pens to draw this design, along with ClaireFontaine Sketch dotgrid paper. The only things I did digitally were to scan the design in, remove the dots of the dot grid, and add the background colour and texture and watermarks.
I’m carrying on with creating art for the pure joy of creating art, and today’s sketchbook page is a series of botanical designs.
I used Faber-Castell Pitt Artist pens (F and S) along with some dot grid paper. After scanning them in, I digitally added a watercolour background, though I’ve left the dot grid in place. Also, I’ve not edited out any errors in my drawings, or tidied up where the lines may over-run in places.
In case you’re curious, the only pencil lines I used were for the circular motif in the bottom left design, and to arrange the spray of seed pods in the top left design. Otherwise, it’s pen straight to paper and purely intuitive artwork – I just let the designs flow, even if I get unhappy with what I’m producing, I just carry on and trust my intuition will lead to something I’m happy with.
And I am happy with all of these designs, now I can sit back from them and view them at a bit of a distance.
What am I going to do with them? I don’t know. They may just sit in my digital ‘flower’ sketchbook. Maybe I’ll use them as the start of one of my entangled drawings. Or maybe something else will occur to me. Or maybe you have some suggestions – leave them in a comment!
For now, they’ve served their purpose. I’ve had a nice couple of hours drawing pretty things just for the contentment that drawing brings me.
On another note, I continue to improve from the stomach bug I had earlier in the week. I still tire really easily though and my appetite is still not good. I am, thankfully, recovering slowly and taking the time to rest and recover, and rediscovering that I don’t need to be constantly busy anymore. I don’t know when that need to fill my days with constant busy-ness crept up on me, but it did.
Suddenly, my mind has become full of fluff once again, so it’s time for me to go and do that resting up thing again.
I started by colouring a 6″ x 6″ piece of Strathmore Bristol paper with various shades of green Distress Ink (Peeled Paint, Shabby Shutters, Crushed Olive, Bundled Sage and Iced Spruce) and edged it with some Aged Mahogany.
Then, I drew the design using a metallic bronze Uniball Signo gel pen. Finally,I added some shading and depth with an olive green Chameleon Fineliner pen.
My photography skills aren’t good, which is why there’s two photos. The top one is a bit truer to and you can see the design more clearly on it. The bottom one shows the shiny bronze ink I used.
I think you’ll get the idea of what I’ve created.
It’s been a busy day here in the Angela studio/office. I’ve been focused on social media stuff for something I’m involved with at the moment. I had to get things done this morning and afternoon, so it wasn’t until quite late in the day I could turn my attention to art.
By then, I just wanted to draw something that was comforting, familiar, soothing. Which is why I ended up with another entangled design.
It did it’s job in soothing and calming me somewhat. Now, I can settle down, after I finish off a couple of things. I think time away from technology is required this evening.
I was absolutely exhausted yesterday evening. Thankfully, I had a long, deep sleep last night and have woken feeling more alert but still fuzzy headed.
Between going to the dentist, sorting out other stuff, I finally managed to get a little drawing for my social media done, along with a quote that I think is most appropriate at the moment.
I used Autodesk Sketchbook Pro, Microsoft Surface Pen and Microsoft Surface Studio to complete the artwork, along with Affinity Publisher to do the typography.
It’s good enough for now. I would’ve liked to have added colour the flowers, but that would’ve taken me quite a few hours I think. Still, it’s there, lurking in my digital art folders for the future.
I wanted to draw simple, flowers, and chose to draw them mandala style. They’re cute and naive enough to work, I think.
So, it’s now some lunch for me and then to turn my attention to the Sea-life colouring book I’m working on!
This is the same illustration I used for yesterday’s quote, however, after adding some textural lines to the drawing, I’ve coloured the design.
I decided to use flat colours as it brings a feeling of a coloured wood cut or lino cut print to the design. I used a grungy texture overlay to enhance the vintage feel of the coloured design.
The line art was drawn using Tombow Fudenosuke and Faber-Castell Pitt Artist pens on paper, but the colouring, textures and text have been added digitally. I used Affinity Publisher to produce the typography. A Microsoft Surface Pen and Surface Studio along with Autodesk Sketchbook Pro were used to complete the colouring
It’s always interesting how just small changes can make such a big difference to artwork.
So, Angela, how are you feeling today?
I’m feeling fairly content and quite optimistic. I am, however, still a little tired to say the least.
My trip to Llandridnod Wells yesterday left me exhausted. I went there to give an antistigma talk as a champion for Time to Change Wales. Telling my story of cPTSD still leaves me emotionally exhausted and vulnerable. This is, however, a small price to pay for giving people food for thought and getting people talking about mental illness.
As I was feeling so emotional after the talk I didn’t take a walk around Llandridnod Wells. When I’m feeling the way I was it’s all too easy for me to panic and enter flight-mode when I’m overwhelmed by noise or an unfamiliar place. The anxiety I feel about getting myself turned-about and lost and not able to find my way back to the car just adds to the vulnerability.
So, I thought I’d drive back and see if I could find the courage to stop at a cafe on the way. I’d passed a nice-looking one called the Wye Knot. However, I just couldn’t bring myself to stop there. I was still too overwhelmed.
My brain kicked in and I thought I’d head to Honey Cafe in Bronllys. I’ve been there a few times before and it’s a familiar setting to me. However, when I went in there were so many people milling around the counter and others coming in the door and pushing past me that I went into flight-mode and dashed back to the car in tears.
I just drove home then, doing a mental inventory of what I had in the way of food.
I had something quick to eat and a big mug of tea and then I curled up in bed to sleep; a nap is one of my self-care activities. I know that if I can sleep for a while I wake feeling refreshed and more resilient than I was.
The exhaustion comes not just from being emotionally overwhelmed and triggered but from the effort of keeping a happy smiling mask up. Yesterday the mask wasn’t as ‘solid’ as on Monday, but I knew it was still there. Once the talk was over, I let the mask drop and I was suddenly exhausted.
This is, as I mentioned earlier, worth getting the word out about the stigma and discrimination that surrounds mental illness, giving people some advice on what to and what not to do, and starting conversations.
I’m beginning to flag here; tiredness/exhaustion is catching up with me. I have managed to get some work done this morning. However, before I try to do anything else I need some more sleep I think.
So, I’m taking the advice of today’s quote – I’m going to be gentle with myself today.
Emotional Pain – A quote. Artwork by Angela Porter of Artwyrd.com
About the art
This Nicola Lyons quote is another that resonated with me and brought some tears to my eyes and echoes of pain to my heart too. I just had to make it pretty – Angela style of course.
I used a script font and printed the quote out in a square format. I added the illustration around it using a combination of Tombow Fudenosuke and Faber-Castell Pitt Artist Pens. I kept to a small number of repeating motifs in this design. I can now see that I may go back and add some texture and pattern to the leaves, berries and some flowers that are quite bare to help to bring them to add depth and dimension.
I scanned the drawing in, cleaned it up digitally and then added a background to it rather than colour the elements in. I may return to colouring the design in, but I think I’ll use colours that are reminiscent of linocut artworks – flat colour and letting the lines add the shadow and texture, depth and dimension to the image.
So, Angela, how are you feeling today?
I’m tired. I got to sleep early enough but I woke around 3:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep until gone 5am. I’d set my alarm for 7:30am as I have to be in Llandridnod Wells before 11am to give an anti-stigma talk on behalf of Time to Change Wales.
I expect that I’ll be drained after the talk – I usually am. So self-care will be important later on in the day. I need lots of tea before I leave – I have less than an hour to sort myself out.
Warning – the following may contain triggers.
The quote above relates to me being a ‘people-pleaser’, which is one way that CPTSD presents in me.
From as early as I can remember, I tried to do and be what would make others around me like me or love me, even if it meant doing things that made me feel horrible. It’s a pattern of behaviour that carried on through my life.
It never worked though; other people would get what they wanted and in return I would not get what I was hoping for or was told I would get. I’ve been left believing that I am unlovable and unlikable and not good-enough. There’s a good helping of shame around all this too, along with a lot of grief for what never was and never could be.
Nowadays, I’m more aware of my emotional, physical and mental needs now, thanks to EMDR therapy. However, I can still default to this ‘people-pleaser’ setting when I’m anxious or emotionally vulnerable.
It took a lot of work in various forms of counselling, self-reflection and EMDR for me to recognise that I have been a people-pleaser. Once aware of this tendency I could start to change my behaviour. I don’t know how successful I’ve been. One coping strategy I have is that I don’t let people get close to me, yet I yearn for meaningful, deep connection with like-minded souls, kindred spirits.
It’s a conundrum and I’m not sure how I’m going to solve it other than by valuing myself in a healthy way, being able to put up healthy boundaries, and being able to say ‘no’ if I’m uncomfortable about something or it would cause me difficulties.
I don’t know who said these words, but they resonated with me when I stumbled upon them. Not only did they resonate, but they also brought tears to my eyes and my heart too. I have words for one of my goals for recovery from cPTSD. This is why I had to do something with the quote in my own inimitable style.
So, I took the words and chose a pretty font for them, arranged them as I wished and then printed them out onto acid-free paper. I trimmed the paper to approx 21cm x 21cm and added some pencil guidelines for space around the quote and the edge of the paper.
Next, I used Tombow Fudenosuke and Faber-Castell Pitt Artist Pens to draw a design. I stuck to just a few motifs that I repeated to fill the space. I also let the design elements to spill over the pencil margins here and there to give a more organic feel to the artwork.
Finally, after erasing the pencil lines, I scanned the drawing in, increased the contrast a little to remove most of the remaining pencil marks. I then added a grungy, colourful, autumnal background.
I’m pleased with this one. I really like the way the Fudenosuke pens work for me now. I love the variation of line and the bolder line that I have used. I also think that using just a few design elements and repeating them to fill the space results in a more cohesive design.
I think I could have left a bit more space around the quote; however, it is good enough.
So, Angela, how are you feeling today?
And for me to say something is good enough is a sign that I am recovering from a bad day yesterday. I’m still somewhat emotionally fragile and vulnerable, but I’m able to see that my art is good enough.
Yesterday, nothing I did was good enough. I lost faith in my crochet, my digital art, my drawing. Nothing seemed to work out, and I really was doubting my abilities.
EMDR therapy for my cPTSD was rather distressing and left me exhausted. Mind you, I was exhausted to begin with. Monday I wore my protective mask as I had to go somewhere where I’d be with people I didn’t know, doing something I was really anxious about, and I didn’t know the place I was going to. I was exhausted after keeping my mask on for just four or so hours.
How on earth did I find the energy to keep the mask up for all those years?
One good thing has come from this experience – I can see how exhausting it is to keep up a mask for even a short time. I wonder how on earth I managed it for most of my life!
Anyway, after EMDR, I was more exhausted and came home and slept. In the evening, I thought I needed to be creative. It all led to me being hard and overly critical of myself. Little comments made to me just made it worse, even though the comments weren’t negative, my emotionally vulnerable and exhausted state twisted them that way.
Even though I was emotionally vulnerable and caught up in a storm of thoughts and feelings, I was still aware of this contentedness inside me, but I just couldn’t anchor myself fully to it. I was a little bit adrift in the turbulent waters of my emotions and thoughts.
I should know by now that I need to choose what activities I do carefully at times like this. Last night, I didn’t do that. However, I eventually got back to sleep, and I woke this morning feeling more content.
There’s not quite the sunshine within present today; there are still some emotional clouds covering it up. However, I know that they will not persist and will move along as I practice self-soothing and self-care and do creative activities that won’t push me too much and won’t engage the inner critics.
I’m still drained, physically, mentally and emotionally, but I am in a better place today. I think my drawing above shows that too.
My morning task, afore heading out for my EMDR session later, was to finish this drawing.
I used a combination of a Tombow Fudenosuke pen along with a medium nib Lamy fountain pen on Winsor and Newton Bristol Board, A4 in size, to draw this design and add the hand lettering.
The white space really helps to break up the intricate details; helps to separate out the sections and gives the eyes and brain a bit of a rest from it.
I will add colour to this in the fullness of time, most probably digitally.
So, how are you today Angela?
I’m content. Not quite as smiley happy as yesterday, but content. Calm too, or relatively so. There’s a low level background noise of anxiety there.
I do wonder if the weather affects my moods more than I thought it did. Yesterday was both sunny and rainy – rather heavy spells of rain. The sun and driving in the sun was lovely and helped to lift my spirits somewhat.
Today there’s no sun. Just grey clouds and there’s been rain. I’m not quite as tickettyboo as yesterday.
I think I may need to add a weather tracker to my BuJo alongside my mood tracker to see if there is a correlation.
I have my EMDR session in a couple of hours time. I have no idea how that will affect me at this point in time, nor what memory we’ll work on. I won’t dwell or ruminate on it for now. Just get myself sorted to make the hour-long journey to Neath in a little while. Yes, I think that’s best for now.
I drew this a little while ago and thought I’d show it today. Another in my Entangled Monogram series. I’m up to H now, though I’m not happy with them all, this being one of them.
I’m not sure if it’s the rather thick outline around the F, or the complex pattern inside the F, or the disjointed pattern to the top left of the letter.
Drawn on bristol board with Tombow Fudenosuke and Uniball Unipin pens.
I’ve had a busy couple of days this week. This busy-ness has meant I’ve not been able to do as much drawing as I’d like. So, it’s taken nearly 4 days for me to complete this drawing.
I included, unusually, some hand lettering, and a lot of the patterns have been influenced by images of cells and other things under the microscope. That’s the scientist in me creeping out!
It really needs shading and/or colour to bring it to life. So, I’ll add it to the pile that need the same!
The design is nearly A4 in size (approx. letter size in the US). I drew it with Tombow Fudenosuke, Uniball Unipin and Sakura Pigma Sensei pens on bristol board from Seawhite.
Just a little reminder, but I did an interview for Tony Eames of nfreads.com. You can read it by clicking here.
Art is the Adventure 