angela porter author

Monday musings

Angela Porter2 Comments

Angela Porter 28 August 2018

It’s been a little while since I’ve done an illustrated quote. Today, I was drawn to one by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, and even though it was written over 200 years ago, it still has relevance in our time.

I printed the words out and then used Ohto Graphic Liner pens to draw the illustration around it. After scanning the image in, I used Autodesk Sketchbook Pro to alter the colour and add my watermark.

A nice way to spend a damp, sometimes drizzly Monday morning here in the UK. The schools return, the teachers at least for their day of training/preparation for the return of their students in the coming day(s), the interminable meetings where so much information is passed on it’s hard to retain it, let along digest it!

I do not miss this one bit. I loved teaching – the actual teaching, helping pupils to grow and develop, not only as little scientists but also as human beings and in confidence and self-belief.

I do not miss the huge number of meetings, the constant change, the challenges of behaviour/attitudes that changes in society have wreaked, the homogenization of teaching strategies…and so much more.

I’m feeling grateful this day that I get to do what I love, to make a new career from it, to continue to help people through my colouring books, and in other ways too.

I was once ignorant of the fact that I could do something else with my life, I thought I’d be a teacher until I reached retirement age, and that I would struggle more and more with my mental health and emotional health over time. I was also ignorant of the fact I had depression, anxiety and more – willfully ignoring the signs, denying that it was a problem, that I was just tired, or it was the result of a verbal attack or poor behaviour or even a physical threat at the end of my time teaching.

I was ignorant as I chose to ignore the facts of what was happening to my mind and emotions.

It must have been a terrible thing for those who truly knew me (not many, one maybe, thanks to the carefully crafted mask of happiness and jollity that I wore all my life when with people, very different behind closed doors with no one around to observe) to see how I was plummeting downward, to have me dismiss their observations with the excuse ‘I’m just tired’ or ‘I’ve had a tough day’ or ‘So and so did such and such yet again today and it got to me. I’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep’.

Eventually I had no choice but to get help, to have months and months away from teaching so that I could recover just enough to return and last another eight months.

I know now my ignorance of my own well being wasn’t out of innocence about mental health issues; instead it was borne out of the messages I had as I grew up from the mother, from society, that to have depression, to be anxious, was a shameful, weak thing and there was something wrong with you if this was you.

I stigmatized myself, and prevented myself from getting the help I needed for a long time.

I was ignorant as I willfully ignored the facts, the evidence that was right in front of me, staring back at me whenever I looked in the mirror. It wasn’t innocence. I knew about mental illness, mental ill-health, depression, anxiety, but I refused to consider that was what was wrong with me.

Ignorance, ignoring the facts, the knowledge or applying it as it didn’t suit what I wanted to believe.

To give myself a bit of a softer time, I’d never known anything but depression and anxiety, ever that I can recall. So, to me, the worsening state of my mental/emotional health was just me being worn out by the day, the week, the term (semester) or academic year.

It took a very skillful and understanding GP to help me see that I needed help, and I took it, and still am with my weekly therapy sessions.

That’s a personal example of why I don’t see innocence and ignorance as the same thing with reference to the quote.

Hello September!

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter September Template 2018 small

September 2018’s coloring template

A new month begins and a coloring template for September 2018(above) for the Angela Porter’s Coloring Book Fans facebook group is now available.

If you’d like to access to September 2018’s uncoloured template, which is exclusive to members of the group, just wander over to the group, join and download. Please note, that terms and conditions do apply.

I drew this in Autodesk Sketchbook Pro on my Microsoft Surface Studio using my Microsoft Surface Pen.

Autumn is a-coming!

With the calendar turning to September, my heart lifts with the expectation of the glory of nature as autumn asserts it’s influence.

It’s my favourite season of the year. I love the bright, vivid colours that replace the darker, duller greens of summer. Nature’s picks out it’s most glorious paintbox and sets the world alight in fiery autumnal hues.

I also luxuriate in the cooler evenings and mornings and look forward to waking up to see dew, or even frost, on Binky, my Smartcar.

The fresh, clean, clear air that the turning season brings blows away the dustiness of the hot, dry summer.

There’s also the return of the pleasure and comfort of snuggling up under a duvet as night time is cooler. Not to mention the relief of sleeping well throughout the night.

There are other things I’m looking forward to this year too.

It’s hard to remember now the fear and trepidation that the return to school as a teacher that would come with the start of this month as the new school year starts.

Now, I look forward to the start of the new school year as the world is calmer, quieter during the school day and I can begin to venture forth from my home without my CPTSD panic kicking in when I hear the sound of teenagers shouting and arguing and swearing and being belligerent, just them being themselves really.

It’s not their fault, I know, but their sounds are triggers for my fear, anxiety, panic and cause me to want to hide in a quiet dark corner of my safe home. So much so, that I find it so difficult to venture out of my front door during daytime during the school holidays.

Through therapy, I will overcome this, but the reaction is so ingrained in me and goes right back to my earliest years; teaching, dealing with the dramas of teens on a daily basis as well as being the focus for some to vent their anger, just reinforced these automatic responses. This means not just unraveling the web of trauma that resulted in the panic response, it means learning a healthy response to such triggers, one that I’ve never, ever had in the first place.

Now, with the start of the school year, and a daytime world that is quieter, I’ll be able to find my courage to venture forth during the day once again. Maybe not often, but from time to time.

With it being my favourite season, with the theme of my next book being forests, to sketch and find inspiration in woods and forests during autumn is something I want to do this year.

It’s all part of my road to recovery from CPTSD. Autumn always feels like a time of new starts, more so than New Year. As nature begins to shed what is unnecessary so survival through winter is possible, so I work on shedding the trauma that has kept me in a metaphorical winter in terms of my mental and emotional health for a very, very long time.

 

 

Abstract Botanical 28 August 2018

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 28 August 2018

Another abstract botanical. This one has gold dot highlights as well as white dots. Fun to do!

I dug out my old Ohto Graphic Liner pens to draw this one. I’d forgotten all about them until I was looking for some new Uniball Unipin pens in my pen stash.

The Ohtos are roller ball pens with pigment ink which is waterproof and fadeproof. The beauty of a roller ball, unlike fibre-tips like the unipins or Sakura Microns, is that the roller ball tip is practically indestructible, even for one with a heavy hand like me.

They work well on the lightly textured hot pressed watercolour paper I used (which is 10″ x 14″ in size).

I applied the colour first, then worked with the way the colours spread and mixed to draw the patterns generally, though I do work rather intuitively.

Abstract Botanical 27 August 2018

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 27 August 2018 small

Started yesterday, finished this morning. Another intricate, abstract botanical

I coloured the paper first and worked with the patterns made, mostly. Intuitive drawing with detail and intricacy and black lines is my favourite to do. Botanical things, abstract motifs, from my imagination are also some of my favourite things to draw.

My colour choices are a bit different for me, the way I blended the colours resulted in some unusual, subdued, almost grungy tones. I think I like it.

 

BuJo September 2018

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter Bujo Sept 2018

It’s nearly the end of August so it’s time for my BuJo pages for this month.

I used Tombow Dual Brush Pens and a Chameleon Detail Pen for these pages in my Leuchtturm 1917 dot grid notebook.

My colour scheme is quite autumnal as September is the month of the Autumn Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere.

I’ve used a simple dangle design for the Monthly Cover Page. My tutorial book, A Dangle A Day takes you through dangle designs step by step and has lots of ideas for charms and dangles. It’s available for preorder now.

I kept the monthly planner simple as that really suits my needs.

For my mood tracker, I used leaves, acorns and seeds, perfect for an autumn theme. I’ve not added colours to my key yet, but I will. I may add more leaves and seeds as the month goes on and I fill in the elements I’ve already drawn. Or maybe I’ll add some autumnal quotes instead. I’ll let my mood and the events in the month dictate what I do.

Bookmarks

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 25 August 2018

I’ve been playing around with a different kind of material and techniques and created these bookmarks. I’ve had a bit of fun doing them, something different, the same kind of drawings but different techniques.

I’ve used parchment paper and various ball tools to draw the images and Tombow Dual Brush markers to colour them.

I like the one on the left a lot. Surprisingly, the more muted, pastel tones really appeal to me.

I do have other bits and bobs of parchment here that I’ve tried things out on, and there’s some skills to develop for sure; but it’s a nice way of working, to draw in white on white then add texture and colour. I don’t think the textures show well on the photos though.

A nice way to spend a Bank Holiday Saturday – being quietly creative and learning new stuff at the same time.

 

Dangle Day

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 24 August 2018

It’s Friday so it’s time for one of my occasional dangle designs.

This one involves elements from my latest bits and bobs of abstract botanical art.

Want to learn how to draw your own dangles? Just follow this link for my upcoming book  ‘A Dangle A Day’ to preorder.

It’s furbaby friday over on the Angela Porter’s Coloring Book Fans facebook group – join to share pictures of your furbabies! You’ll be most welcome there.

It’s always furbaby friday in the Happy Tails facebook group. If you love animals, this is a lovely group for you to join.

Abstract Botanical 22 August 2018

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 22 August 2018

Another day, another drawing/artwork/illustration/design. This one is only a little one; it’s approximately A5 in size.

I used some new watercolour paper from Canson – Moulin du Roy. It’s smooth, slightly off-white, pure cotton mould made and seems to work nicely with Intense pencils and a waterbrush.

I’m waiting for some metallic paints to arrive so I can add some highlights to this – there are places where a dot of gold will really work nicely, but not too many places methinks.

Also, I chose just seven colours to be my palette – sherbert lemon, apple green, iron green, lagoon, violet, red-violet and sienna gold. I thought that a smaller number of colours could result in a more cohesive feel to the design, and I think that it may have done so!

For this one, I drew the design first in pen then added colour.

When I draw first I do tend to fill the space with drawings. When I add colour shapes first I end up with more white space and a more random ‘edge’ to the design.

Why that is, I don’t know, other than it may have something to do with me filling spaces in with pen and ink habitually.

A habit I need to modify I think.

All the same, it’s nice to do little designs. I already have another drawn out waiting for colour!

Perfectly Imperfect and an Abstract Botanical 21 August 2018

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 21 August 2018

My latest design. It took nearly 2 days work to complete, though I may add some metallic highlights here.

I used Inktense pencils and blocks with water brushes, Uniball Unipin pens and Daler-Rowney Aquafine smooth watercolour paper.

Black line definitely keeps my need for that high contrast work happy, but the ability to add layers of colour or create gradations in colour with the Inktense also keeps me happy. Together, they work for me.

I did start off the central area with shapes of colour, but then I started to draw in the designs around the edge and then add colour. Both ways work for me for sure. Also, there’s a kind of randomness to the colour and some over-spill outside the lines, and that is something I’m learning to live with and like.

Perfectly imperfect.

Just like me. Just like us all. We are all perfectly imperfect and that is OK. In fact, it’s more than ok, it’s just perfect and I think we should all embrace it. The imperfections are what contribute to our uniqueness, our individuality as much as anything else (perhaps even more). Society sends a message we all need to be perfect as people with perfect lives and perfect homes and perfect bodies and perfect smiles, hair and so on.

The reality is, however, that we aren’t.

We are all imperfect. Life is imperfect. Nature is imperfect.

But all is perfectly imperfect.

And that is good. It is. At any moment in our lives we are all doing the best we can.  Sometimes things work out perfectly. Sometimes they go wrong. The balance of it all is that it is all perfectly imperfect.

My artwork is perfectly imperfect. I do my best with digital art, but I’m not really happy with what I do often. I learn each time I do some, and move forward, improving. The same is true when I use traditional media.

The same is true of life. Of my life. Of all our lives, our perfectly imperfect lives from which we can learn and grow as people.

 

 

Angela PorterLeave a comment

Angela Porter 18 August 2019

Here’s today’s drawing, design, artwork; yesterday’s ‘just colour’ design.

I did try a small design using coloured pens to add lines, but it just doesn’t feel or look right.

I’m happy with this one, like I was with the one yesterday.

These last couple of artworks have been a bit of a change in the way I usually work. Perhaps more of quite a change.

Usually, I start by drawing my design and then adding colour. Over the past couple of days I’ve been drawing the basic shapes/design with colour from a brush, starting with the broad structure of the design. Then, I add the architecture of the design in pen.

The laying down of colour first means there is, for me, not a lot of control over the gradation of colour/tome and the precise shapes. Using watercolours means that colours can bleed from one shape into another if I forget to move to another area and let each shape dry before adding another next to it.

The resultant colour design, the variations as mentioned, is then the basis for my drawing. I work with the shapes as they are, trying not to be overly concerned if my pen lines done precisely match the edge of each shape. I try to work with the variations in colour/saturation/tone as I add the patterns.

I have tried doing something like this digitally, but so far haven’t been all that happy with the results. I will keep trying though. I know eventually I’ll work out how this will work for me.

It’s a nice way to spend a Sunday, no matter what I do precisely.