The things that make me different…

It’s been a few weeks or so since I last posted on here, YouTube, and other social media. The reasons are simple yet complex.

Simple because I’ve been low in energy and oompf once again. I’m not entirely sure why, and that’s why it’s also complex.

Having some people-y times is one thing. A kind of low mood and sadness have been lingering, and along with it, the shadows of comfort eating have encroached on my being. My ability to focus is limited, too. I have a fairly firm inkling that there are a couple of other things rumbling under the surface of the blanket of antidepressant meds. Ultimately, I think it may be a combination of menopause and the lingering effects of the huge burnout last year. Recovery from such burnouts can take a lot longer than I think they will. When I push myself, such as people-y times, then all I do is cause a bit of a relapse.

Still, throughout these weeks, I have been creating art. Creepy, Cute stuff was a staple of my arty being for a number of weeks, and I thoroughly enjoyed creating it. It makes me smile, and sometimes, it almost feels like there’s a tale to tell about the images.

Over the past week or two, however, I’ve been delving into the worlds of Danielle Donaldson. I have owned her two books for a while, though I haven’t done much with them. They’re based on watercolour, and that is still a medium that vexes me greatly.

I love her style of art very much. It really appeals to my sense of whimsy. So, as watercolour is something I struggle with, I thought I’d approach some of her exercises to develop some skills and understanding. I have to say that the ones that involve colour mixing and creating squares of colour have been a lot of fun! Some success has been had with the exercises, especially in mixing colours I never would’ve tried mixing. I am fascinated with watercolour’s ‘magic’ qualities, whether in paint form or watercolour pencils.

When I try to add watercolour to drawings, it all tends to go to pot …

As far as drawing goes, I got it into my head to try to draw some of Danielle’s ‘Littles’ – people, that is!

Yes, I know. I’ve always said I don’t do people! However, there is something quite delightful about her style of drawing ‘littles’. Also, it was a little change from the creepy-cute critters and characters!

I have had a lot of fun drawing ‘littles’ inspired by Danielle Donaldson. Indeed, the ‘little’ above is one I drew today, and it kind of represents me! Is it coloured with watercolour? NO! I gave in and used marker pens; that is the way forward for now.

Another thing I explored from Danielle’s tutorials in her books was using a fine mechanical pencil to draw the designs instead of ink.

Pencil instead of pen just doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t know why. I have, however, used a finer pen to draw the designs than I usually would. In the example above, I used a 01 Unipin fineliner; usually, I use an 05!

The hand-lettering in the drawing above *rolls eyes*has let me down. However, the words have meaning to me. Recognising and accepting the differences in me and understanding their source has been an adventure over the past twenty months or so. It’s an adventure that will continue for the rest of my days, I’m sure.

Naturally, I will persevere with the ‘littles’, which are delightfully wonky, as are the whimsical critters and creepy cuties I love to draw. Learning to embrace that wonkiness is a work in progress; the perfectionist in me demands symmetry, not wonky! I can see how wonky adds to the whimsy, interest, and delight of the drawings.

Inktober 2023, Days 1 & 2

Inktober 2023 Challenge

I’m a little late with these two, but I will try to complete the #Inktober2023 #Inktober official challenge!

Inktober is about challenging oneself to create art daily, every other day, or however you choose. It’s more about building up a regular drawing practice, with daily prompts to get the creative juices flowing. It’s not about competing with other artists/creatives.

There are so many Inktober challenges going on that it can be difficult to choose one. In the last couple of years, I’ve chosen to participate in the Inktober Tangles challenge. But this year, I really didn’t feel excited about it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the prompts, but for some reason Zentangle didn’t float my boat, so to speak. I think the greater personal challenge of the Inktober official prompts called to me. But, we’ll see how that goes!

Of course, Inktober is all about drawing with Ink. But I’ve started adding some colour for Day 2’s drawing. I’m not sure that was a good idea, but I’ve not completed it yet! It’s at that regretful, icky partway complete stage. Also, I’m not sure I’ve accomplished the hand-lettering in the spiders’ bodies well. It is what it is, and Inktober is about drawing, taking part, challenging oneself, learning more about artistic expression, and not perfection.

I’ve decided to incorporate hand-lettering where I can. I really could do with the practice and exploration of including hand-lettering in my art.

I may use coloured backgrounds in some of the remaining days of Inktober. We’ll see!

Other stuff

The past couple of weeks have taken their toll on me. I’ve been diagnosed with IBS and asked to follow the FODMAP diet for up to eight weeks. The FODMAP plan aims to calm the digestive system by eliminating foods from the diet known to cause IBS.

I’ve been following it for the past two weeks and I have days where it’s a lot better than it has been. However, I’ve found that some of the ‘banned’ foods on the FODMAP have caused IBS flare-ups – notably sweetcorn and some of the Quorn products I’ve eaten.

I must admit, I really miss onions and garlic (though I can use garlic-infused oil). Oh, and peas, and mushrooms. But hopefully, once things are calmer I’ll be able to reintroduce them, fingers crossed!

As I’ve had several days without IBS in the last week or so, how a flare-up feels is very noticeable. To think I’ve been living with those conditions for a long while is shocking!

I am determined to persevere with it! In fact, I’m quite excited about cooking with FODMAP-friendly gluten-free flour and other products. It’s kind of interesting. Being a vegetarian makes it a little more challenging, but I’ve now got a couple of great cookbooks to inspire me.

I’ve also had a busy couple of weeks that have involved people-ing and some stressful things. That all takes its toll on me, and stress of any kind doesn’t help with IBS that’s for sure!

The remainder of this week will likely be busy for me, with people-ing occasionally. I’ll get through it all, albeit exhausted.

And that’s where Inktober will come in useful. Drawing always helps me relax, calm, and destress. Having prompts to guide and inspire my artistic pursuits will surely help me. So, I hope to return to my ‘normal’ in posting blogs and videos.

However, a new normal may be needed as I discover more about myself and how to keep myself from burning out. I will figure it out, as I already have with trying to space people-ing and adulting out!

Entangled Monograms – D and F

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been experimenting with monograms and my style of art. It’s fun trying out different things, and it leads to new insights into how I can express myself.

My self-expression is constantly changing and evolving. Sometimes I seem to make some breakthrough and go forwards with it for a while. But something happens, like a slip into poor mental and emotional health, and I retreat into my familiar styles. That doesn’t mean progress is not being made. When I look back, I can see how even my ‘comfort art’ has subtly, or not so subtly, changed as the breakthrough shares its influence subconsciously.

I keep returning to hand lettering, hoping to find out how I can make it work for me. Monograms really do seem to be the way forward.

I’m also thinking about my relationship with colour palettes. I really do struggle at times with the colours I put together, particularly when using traditional media. They seem like a good idea at the time…but…that isn’t always how I feel about them as I continue to add colour.

Contrast can be a thing I struggle with too. I really do think very simple colour palettes – monochromatic or analogous, are likely to be the way for me to go at the moment. They always seem to work nicely, monochromatic, especially as I can focus on contrast far more.

Digitally, I feel I do better, but again a limited palette is the best thing for me.

I know that, like my drawing/design skills, this will improve with time and practice. But I get so frustrated when I make the same silly mistakes over and over with colour choices.

“B” Entangled Monogram WIP

Accompanying YouTube #DrawWithMe Video.

Today was a day for quiet art, with some colour. I’ve started in a new A5 Sketchbook – A Royal Talens Art Creations one. It seems monograms are the theme for this one, at least for now!

It was a nice way to spend an hour this afternoon. It’s been very warm here in the Valleys of South Wales, UK, today. Thankfully, the sun has moved around from the front of the house and it’s feeling cooler now, just a bit.

Anyways, back to the art.

I drew the basic outlines of the design. I knew I wanted to add colour before adding the details of patterns. It also meant I could just enjoy adding colour without worrying about having to reink the lines affected by the paint; that’s always a recipe for disaster for me!

To add colour, I used soft yellows, greens and pinks from the Kuretake Gansai Tambi Art Nouveau set of watercolours.

I really, really love these watercolours. I love the way the imperfections and water-spots create a wonderful background texture. I think I’ve finally accepted that imperfections can be perfectly acceptable and wonderful! I now want to work out how I can replicate this in my digital and tradigital art. But not now. Not today.

Today, I’m flagging in energy once again. I could just go to sleep. But if I do that, I may not sleep well tonight. So, instead I will go get a drink and make something to eat. And maybe do some more art!

Entangled Monogram WIP 6 June ’23

I drew this design partly as I settled and calmed down for sleep, then completed it when I awoke at stupid o’clock until I was ready to settle back to sleep. Now, I’ve started to add colour – Derwent Chromaflow with Gamsol to blend the colours out. Oh and gold ink for the ‘L’ and the border around it.

This design was drawn on a 21cm x 21cm (8.25″ x 8.25″) piece of Canson Imagine mixed media paper. I used TWISBI Eco fountain pens filled with black Dokumentus ink, fine and extra fine nibs.

This is part of my preparation to throw myself into designing colouring pages for DayDreams. Getting back into my signature kind of art, maybe not this detailed, but …

There’s still plenty of colour to add. Then, there’s the highlights and sparkle and any other details that may be called for. A good level contrast is needed to bring out the illusion of dimension to this!

Entangled Samplers Title Page WIP

In today’s #DrawWithMe video on YouTube, I recreated some of the patterns and motifs I’d drawn for the title page of Entangled Samplers. With some variations! As I work on the top page, I’ll include some of these filler patterns! The idea for each page is to have a drawing that has examples of motifs and patterns with variations, all to spark creativity by being a source of inspiration and ideas.

My hand-lettering isn’t perfect; the letter sizes diminish towards the end of each line. But it may probably be good enough.

I like the bold shading in the recreation at the bottom of the image. I’ve yet to add any shading to the title page; first, I’ll finish drawing it.

I decided today to get all the pages done in a discbound format, hence the little mushroom shapes to the left of each sheet!

‘Trust’ – An Entangled Drawing

The Drawing

I’m rapidly filling up an A5 sketchbook with drawings like this. Some have hand lettering in them, while others do not. This style of illustration is familiar to me. It comes naturally, and so is something I can cope with now. The familiarity and repetitive nature of the motifs and patterns are soothing. As I’m working in a sketchbook, there is no pressure on me for things to be perfect. And that is what I need at this time. I just need to create for the sheer enjoyment of creating. Then, there will be enough time to continue exploring other things when I’m back on form.

Mental and Emotional Well-being…

I’m often told that trust is a more positive word than hope when used in conjunction with wanting things to improve. So, I am doing my best to trust that my emotions and thoughts will improve and I won’t feel so darned sleepy and tired all the time.

I suspect I’ve been trying too hard for too long to keep up a mask of contentedness, and all is fine with me when interacting with others. But, unfortunately, it’s something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. It probably contributed to my two intense and lengthy bouts of anxiety and depression, eventually leading to me leaving teaching around 9 or 10 years ago.

After years of EMDR therapy and reflecting on the past, I thought I’d learned my lesson about not letting things get worse and worse and refusing to admit to myself I’m struggling with my mood and thoughts.

It seems that isn’t so.

However, I did reach out for help last week. So now, I have to give myself permission to ease off and give the meds a chance to work.

I had tried so hard to help myself lift my mood and dispel the dark thoughts. They wouldn’t go. Waking up in the night with my mind racing and catastrophising wasn’t good. I couldn’t do this by myself this time.

I know what has led to this state of affairs, and it’s not just one thing.

So, eventually, I worked out I needed help before I ended up in a state similar to how I was all that time ago when my Doctor told me, ‘You’ve nearly broken your mind. It needs a rest. A long rest. And these little pills will help, honestly.’

Those words got through to me. And soon after taking the first dose, my mind was magically quiet, and no longer was I being mean to myself.

There should be no stigma or discrimination about medication to help with mental and emotional ill-health. However, there is none if you need antibiotics for an infection or a plaster-cast to help heal a broken bone.

So, I’m in the process of getting the level of medication to a steady level and the side effects to subside. But, until that happens, I have no choice but to be kind and gentle to myself and not push myself to do more than I’m capable of doing. 

‘Aliferous’ – an Entangled Drawing

I have had a little period of using hand lettering along with my style of entangled drawing. I love words, and aliferous is a word new to me. It comes from the Latin ‘ala’, meaning wing, and the word’s first known use was around 1726.

Over the past week or so, I’ve been losing myself in A5-ish-sized drawings, all Entangled art. The peaceful, quiet time has been and continues to be what I need. I’m sure I’ll find a new equilibrium point regarding focus, a clear mind, and calm emotions and mind. How long that will take… I don’t yet know.

Until that point is reached, I’ll be doing what I can to be gentle and kind to myself. As we all need to be.

‘Create’ – A Zentangle Inspired Journal Page

Click on this link to view the #DrawWithMe video on YouTube.

Today was a day to just draw for the pleasure, joy and contentment the process of creativity brings.

I knew I wanted to include some hand lettering in the design, and that’s where I started. The rest just flowed from there as it needed to. I put no pressure on myself to be perfect, nor did I have a design in mind. It was pure, intuitive art.

And that intuitive process let me relax and enjoy being able to just create for the sake of it.

Monogram ‘a’ – Zentangle Inspired Art

I’ve mostly finished this 3.5″ (11cm) square ’tile’ with a monogram. It’s changed a little since my last blog post this morning.

Apart from completing the colour, I coloured over the brown section in the bottom right. I used dark and light grey Gellyroll Moonlight pens to add the crazy ‘N’Zppel’ Zentangle pattern. It needs tidying up and perhaps some highlight within the inner black spaces.

But for now, it will do. I think I need a break from it to eat and do other things for a while.