Entangled Pen Drawing WIP

Vlog
Time Lapse version

This morning, I started my day off with a bit of entangled drawing along with a chatty vlog talking about my first mini-trip out with a friend since last August.

My friend and I met up and went to Porthcawl for lunch at the seaside. We picked up some chips (or fish and chips in Liz’s case) from a chip shop on the way to Newton. It was lovely to sit in the fresh breeze, the gentle sound of the sea, the smell of salt air and enjoy the chips. Then, we had a walk along the beach.

Then, we had a little visit to the church in Newton – St John the Baptist. It dates back to the C12th, built by the Normans and designed both for worship and for defence against pirates and the Welsh! It was rebuilt in the early 1500s, and in more modern times there have been refurbishments.

Sadly, the church was locked, so we couldn’t take a look inside. We did, however, have a wander around the churchyard, looking at the different styles of funerary furniture present. Some of the graves dated back to the 1700s or 1600s, I can’t remember now. But it’s somewhere I’d like to visit again. This time remembering to take in the structure and so on of the church, as well as more to do with all the different styles and fashions of the gravestones there.

The few hours out, were so lovely, and I really hand no need to be overly anxious at all. Not that I’m going to be going crazy about going out and about and travelling. Having company made a huge difference for me. I’m not so nervy when I have company.

Of course there was lots of chatter as well, a lot to catch up on too, surprisingly. I even have a sore throat from talking so much!

It was overcast there, yet I still managed to get sunburned on my arms! I’d put sunblock on my face/neck, but didn’t think about my arms as I had a gauzy shawl around my shoulders. But the wind blew it off them, and, well I burned. Note to self for future – sunblock on every part of body likely to be exposed!

Dangle Day Friday!

May Dangle Design © Angela Porter 2019
May Dangle Design © Angela Porter 2019

It’s Friday so it’s dangle day! Today I’ve chosen to share with you my May dangle design from my book ‘A Dangle A Day

I’ve used the line-art design and just recoloured it. Different colours give a different ‘feel’ to the dangle design!

The design itself is made up of simple, repeating motifs added in chains of charms. Simple, cute, charming, whimsical and pretty too, even if I say so myself.

This would be lovely as the monthly cover page in a BuJo (bullet journal), planner, journal, diary.

A different sentiment could be used in the banner to make it a perfect greeting card or note card.

One of the dangles would look rather cute as a bookmark; it’s easy to lengthen the designs.

Yesterday

I took a little trip out on my own yesterday. It’s one of my goals as I progress along my healing journey from CPTSD to get out and about more. I chose to go somewhere familiar to me, the little town of Glastonbury in Somerset.

I was able to wander around shops, but when it came for lunch I totally balked at going into any cafe at all. Issues surrounding my body size rose up and I just couldn’t go into them.

So I went home.

The whole trip exhausted me. More of an emotional exhaustion though from being brave and keeping it together and interacting with people in shops.

When I got home I had something to eat, which then resulted in an upset stomach/digestive system.

I then went to bed and slept.

I’m still exhausted today.

But I did it. I went somewhere a bit further afield (a round trip of nearly 180 miles is a little further afield to me!) by myself.

I’m surprised at how much the trip has exhausted me given I went somewhere I know, that is familiar, and I used to feel quite comfortable there.

All the same, it’s highlighted some issues I have with how I view myself.

Don’t get my wrong, I am overweight, but my mind seems to think I’m the size of a small elephant and I won’t fit anywhere. I have no idea of my body size other than the size of clothes I wear, which tend to be larger than I need as I think I’m larger than I am.

Is this body dysmorphia? I don’t know.

So, when a cafe or shop is busy I tend to walk away fearing there’ll be nowhere I can fit into, as well as me being overwhelmed in crowds and crowded places.

The complex layers of how CPTSD affects my daily life and activities a lot of people take for granted. It also shows some more of the barriers I need to overcome in order to finally live the kind of life I’d like to, one that isn’t quite as limited by CPTSD as it has been through most of my life.