Another astronomical cycle completed as the Earth returns to the point of solstice once again. The first day of Winter. A time to reflect on the year behind, successes and otherwise. A time to be willing to let go of all that has run it’s course, either by being completed or no longer needed, to make space for new growth as the Sun grows in power once again, increasing the amount of light flooding the Earth (well the Northern Hemisphere).
For whatever reason, it seems more natural to me to follow markers in time and the symbolism of the waxing and waning cycles of the Sun and how that relates to the patterns that we see reflected in our lives than does anything else. All a bit odd coming from a scientist, perhaps.
This year I will be looking on it as a continuation of a new start in my life. I have been off work since the middle of November and it really is time to let go of the old patterns of negative thinking about myself that have so blighted my life and experiences. It’s not going to be easy; fifty years of them whispering and disempowering and controlling me is a very long time. It can be done and I have to see it as a long term process, with the help of my doctor. It’s not been easy to admit I need help with all of this, or to acknowledge, truthfully to myself, the impact it has all had on myself.
However long it has taken me, I’m at that point where little steps are needed, and I do have to understand it is little steps, that this can’t be sorted instantly or overnight.
There’s been a complex set of circumstances that led me to this point of requesting help, not least of which was the nagging of a dear friend to get the help needed; it took them over a year to get through to me, that’s how much in denial I have been. However, we did get there.
I’m not prepared to air the circumstances here, where anyone and everyone can see them. Those who know me will know what they are, maybe. Those who don’t can infer for themselves what this may be about.
All I know is that I’m quietly on the mend now, slowly but surely, and that is all that matters.
My love and thanks go out to that dear friend who nagged me. My love and thanks to my little sister who has made sure that I don’t totally lock myself away all the time. My love and thanks to those I’ve seen and spoken to in the past few weeks, and before that, who have helped and supported me.