Cars – harumpf!

Well, last night saw Smartiepants, my lil black SmartCar, die as it returned home, up a hill, from a very short trip to my meditation class.  3 mins walk away from home it happened.  Horrible sound.  No power at all from the engine even though it was running.  It took the RAC just over an hour to get to me.  It took another hour or so after the RAC man had left for the lorry to arrive to load her up and take her the short distance home.

What’s wrong with her?  Well neither of the mechanic type men were able to say definitively, but when the second one said ‘timing chain tensioners’ it reminded me of  when the timing belt went on my old Astra, same kind of thing happened … it happened to me twice, the second time it was terminal for the engine and car.

This year I’ve spent over £1000 on a 9 year old car.  Last year it was £300.  The year before was around £1000 and the first year it was nearly £3000, and that doesn’t include the £3500 I paid for her!  She’s had a ‘new’ (reconditioned) engine.  Loads of bits replaced.  And I now think it’s just time for me to let her gracefully go to the SmartCar heaven to rest in piece.

I’ve never had a lot of luck with cars, not even brand new ones.  So, I’m very nervous about looking for and getting a replacement car.  I have a very tight budget as I have to buy the car outright for reasons I’m not going to go into here.  None of my friends are car-savvy.  None of my family are available to help, not that they would if they were.

So, a stressful time ahead, maybe.

I know I didn’t sleep much last night, worriting about the latest car disaster to befall me.

Mind you, I think I’ve made the decision to not have the car looked at.  To let her go, gracefully and with thanks.  I don’t want a huge bill only to find it wasn’t fixable and then not have any money to buy a replacement.

Of course the lack of sleep isn’t helping me sort out what I want to do.  And in some ways doing without a car has it’s appeal, such as the benefit to the environment, the lack of stress when it breaks down, fewer bills … but it would clip my wings as far as travelling around to draw, give talks, go to meetings and so on is concerned.  And, as much as I like travelling back and forth with a friend, I still find it hard not to take some time at the end of the school day to mark and prepare and sort out things, and knowing that isn’t happening or rushing to get it done during the busy work day, is adding to my stress/worry about my ability to cope.

Still, it’s not the first time I’ve been here … and it won’t be the last given my experience with cars!  And it’s not as if I don’t look after them – I do!

And I now have a full teaching day, a twilight training session, and some decisions to make … as well as some enquiries to make about some cars I’ve seen for sale locally…

Fingers crossed!  And fingers crossed for a pal of mine who has a job interview today and another tomorrow …

Labels, work, stress and knits.

Jam Jar Labels.

I got some labels done for a friend for their home made jams and chutneys.  They are chuffed with them, and I’m pleased that they like.  They liked my illustration for my Harvest Moon blog entry, and wanted their labels in a similar style.   The first one below is for the larger jars, the second for he smaller jars.  It took a while to get the first one ‘fit for purpose’, but I’m really pleased with it.  It gives visual hints as to where the produce was grown and collected for the preserves.  I also am pleased that my rather simplified style of art has found a ‘niche’.  The smaller label works just fine too, similar design, but the landscape faded out so the information about the contents can be typed over it.

A friend at work asked if I’d design some for a relative of hers as a Christmas present, as they are always making jams and preserves too.  So of course I’ll do that.

Work, stress and knitting.

Three weeks back at the chalkface (though no one uses chalk in the classroom anymore!) and the stresses of dealing with uncooperative, disrespectful teens and managing a workday that is like climbing on a treadmill that has been set by someone else who is calling the tune, and running to keep up with the changes in pace until eventually you are thrown off as your feet get in a tangle.  Well, that’s how it feels once more at the moment…despite the help I have once a week, I’m not yet able to break the cycle I’ve managed to get myself caught up in over a lifetime, and of course when things go wrong, or at least aren’t perfect, then I blame myself and beat myself up with it once again.  But it’s not as bad as it used to be, it just seems a long journey to get to where I’d like to be.  And one straw was added to the burden that’s built up since the return to work on Thursday that caused me to lose my temper briefly.  That led to me having a very upset digestive system for the rest of the day night, and a thumping headache that was with me most of Friday, Ibuprofen only just taking the edge off it.

This lead me to feeling I needed to find an activity in the evenings that relaxed me, didn’t require a lot of concentration and that I could just pick up and put down at will.  I love art, but when I start on an art project I can get consumed by it, stay up later than is wise for me as I totally lose track of the time.  I wanted something that wouldn’t need my eyes to work in sharp focus (note to self – opticians!). Something that didn’t need a lot of concentration.  Something that kept my hands and eyes busy but left my mind free to think or to follow a film.  And that reminded me of why I used to love to knit and crochet so much.  I was doing something, something creative, but something that let me be still and calm, to just ‘be’.  I knew I needed projects that could be either finished quickly or were made up of smaller individual pieces which could be finished quickly.  Projects where I could utilise my own creativity, perhaps even learn about free-form work, and maybe even combine all of this with other forms of art that I love to do to create mixed media works or jewellery.   I wanted things I could do while too tired, too stressed out to settle to anything else.  Something that would help me settle when like this, and perhaps small enough that I could carry it with me.

Well, in quite a synchronistic manner, one of those emails containing recommendations of books from Amazon appeared in my in-box, and on it were books of knitting and crochet.  I followed them, and added a large number of books to my large-ish Amazon wishlist, and I ordered two books that really caught my eye.

One was the ‘Prayer Shawl Companion’ by Janet Bristow, which caught my attention because of the contemplative, spiritual aspect of knitting, and gathering together with other like minded souls to create to gift to others in need, to send out thoughts for healing, love, peace and help to where it is most needed.

The other was ‘Mindful Knitting by Tara Jon Manning’ which appealed because it talks of the contemplative, meditative aspects of knitting.

Both of these books are on their way to me, and I hope that they are what I hope them to be.  I may post pictures of the projects here.  And it may be that like-minded people may gather together with me to create to help others.  I don’t know…yet.

I do know a friend at work has asked me to teach them to crochet.  So, after work on Thursday, I wandered through my local town to the only shop that now sells yarns, knitting needles and crochet hooks, to get some light coloured chunky wool, a large hook so she can see easily what to do, and can hold it more easily in her hands – she has rheumatoid arthritis, but she thinks this will help to exercise her hands and give her something creative to do.

Of course, I have been knitting squares of various stitch patterns and using coloured yarns, all of a similar size, just to keep me occupied while I await the arrival of the books.  And hopefully the books will also inspire me to be confident in creating my own things.  I’m particularly intrigued by ‘free-form’ crochet, as I am with ‘free-form’ beading.  But, we shall see what comes of this.

I do create textile jewellery from time to time – many examples can be seen at Artwyrd.deviantart.com, though I’ve not created any for a long while now, having a stock of them and nothing to do with them!  Finding the right market for them is a problem as they are so unique I suppose.  Maybe I can make use of my knitting/crochet skills to create different ways of wearing my beaded/wire/textile art … that’s something to think about at least!

I did have an interesting time trawling through eBay looking at the knitting yarns available and seeing some rather exquisite, and expensive, examples.  And with some of them my mind went to making small, heartfelt gifts not to wear but to keep.  Something to do for Yuletide/Christmas gifts p’raps.  Now that’s a thought.  And it’s more or less time for me to start thinking about creating my Yule cards.  For a good few years now I’ve made my own cards for that time of year, and it does take quite a bit of time to create them!