Second Dragon ‘a’

Dragon a 13 March 2011 © Angela Porter 2011

I finished this one not very long ago – and it is finished!  I decided not to fill the whole of the outline in with this one, though I am pondering thickening the outline to make it look more like a window frame made of stone, but maybe not.  I do like the empty space – it’s not so busily confusing.

It’s a little less than A4 in size, worked using black in in Rotring Rapidograph pens and white Pilot Uniball and Sakura Souffle pens on brown paper.

Other things …

I’ve been off work since Thursday.  Sore throat and cough, and that turned into a raging upset tummy-tum-tum yesterday, so I’m feeling just a little ‘drained’ today.  I’ll see how I am in the morning before I decide whether or not I’m up to facing the concentrations of confrontation/defiance/disrespect/aggression that are also known as pupils.

The time away has given me a chance to complete the ‘a’ above – it’s always a pleasure to lose myself in art – to do some work on negative automatic thoughts (NATs) and to find out where my deficiencies lie so that myself and my marble-sticker-in-place (counsellor) can work on dispelling the NATs and coming up with strategies to help me change them to PATs (positive automatic thoughts) as well as find the reasons for me to put strategies in place to help me treat myself in a good way, to lead myself to having a healthy lifestyle, and to intervene gently and positively with my comfort eating.  The NATs that are left are ones that lurk deep and have great power still, even though they don’t shout; their messages to sabotage me and my efforts at self-love are fare more devious and catching them in the act will take a lot of stealth on my part too.  They’re likely to be pretty ugly when I finally catch them at it.

No, I’m not mad.  I’m assured I’m not.  I just try to use my imagination to help me find my way through this counselling and on the way to becoming comfortable with who I am, caring for me, loving me in a healthy way, and imagining the NATs as some kind of beings that I call my inner beasties helps me in identifying and confronting them.  I do believe that underneath all the rubbish and poop that has stuck to them over my life time there is a shining, positive version of them, so self-hate is really self-love, and all the work I’m doing and have been doing is cleaning them up, layer by painstaking layer.  However, the deeper down the layers one goes, the longer they have been there and the harder they have stuck; as the layers have been removed, I have become stronger so I’m sure I’ll get to the shining positives beneath.


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