The return to work … and stress…
Well, it’s just over a fortnight into the month and me being back and work and juggling everything else that goes on in my life such as taking and going to meditation classes, meetings, workshops, talks has meant that the time I have spent at home has been almost total ‘down time’. Chilling with mugs of tea and a DVD or several is about all I’ve been able to do. It may be a good sign that I am taking that time out and not filling my time up with busy-ness.
Stress hit a high on Friday with a confrontation with a pupil … and the fear that I may have done something wrong, that I will end up being told off for it, and yet common sense tells me that I did nothing wrong (apart from shout a little loudly). I was annoyed and angry with myself for letting my temper ooze out, though I regained control very quickly, and gained a stress-headache as a result of keeping things in. There was no chance to let the temper out as I was on the roller-coaster of lessons yet again. I wish I could have a ‘get out of lessons free card’ like some of the pupils, just for a few mins to gather myself back together. I now have another set of negative automatic thoughts and reactions that now need de-programming, or perhaps that need revisiting in the light of some further insight.
Having said that, this was a lesson I had to take as soon as I got to work after a counselling session that ended just half an hour or so before the lesson. It was an emotional session, with me trying to face up to my emotional eating, self-image, self-confidence, self-esteem and weight issues … sometimes I think I should just phone in ill. I have leave of absence for these sessions simply because I give up my non-contact time in the week to attend them so that I have no classes to be covered.
Any suggestions for a career change for me?
I think this may be the only way out of what seems to be constant source of stress in my life, and with the way attitudes towards education have changed, both among parents and pupils and the low value placed on education and the lack of respect for teachers from parents, pupils, government and the wider society it’s not going to change, is it? A way out, but I have no idea what else I would like to do or could do (bearing in mind I do need a certain income to pay the bills …).
Thinking about stress, I’m always trying to find ways that work for me to relieve stress in my life and so stop me becoming totally drained and heading towards a dark place.
Meditation certainly helps no end, but that takes a fair amount of time, time I don’t have in the normal school day. Morning and night not a problem, but during the school day … not even at lunchtime do I have time that is mine. So, I do look at other things. Square breathing that can be done ‘on the fly’ to regain control of some part of myself and my emotions, for instance.
Crystals may be another way of helping myself … though I’m not always convinced about such things. I also have mixed views about the rape of our planet, our home in the Universe, for it’s precious resources that cannot be replaced, well not in our life-time at any rate.
I did have an interesting experience with a tumbled piece of sodalite that I purchased after a particularly emotionally harrowing counselling session a year and a half ago. I was fondling it while having a make-over in the Body Shop. There was a cracking sound and a piece of the sodalite had broken off and crumbled. Now, I’m not strong enough to do that, there were no obvious flaws that I could see in the mineral, and it would most likely have broken into two pieces if that were the case, but to crumble into what looked like blue sand …
Crystal therapists and ‘experts’ I’ve related this tale to tell me that was a sign that some powerful healing had happened, and that such breakages are not uncommon.
The scientist in me is very sceptical about anything like this, even though I know that I did end up feeling better sooner than I thought. There was a sudden easing of my emotional distress, whether that was due to the crystal or the make-over or just a little bit of time and space I don”t know – too many variables to say which one it was! Or maybe it was just a combination of them all.
Sodalite unites logic with intuition and opens spiritual perception, bringing information from the higher mind down to the physical level. When used in meditation, the mind can be used to understand the circumstances you find yourself in. This stone instills a drive for truth and an urge towards idealism, making it possible to remain true to yourself and stand up for your beliefs.
Sodalite eliminates mental confusion and intellectual bondage. It encourages rational thought, objectivity, truth and intuitive perception along with the verbalisation of feelings. As it calms the mind it allows new information to be received. Sodalite stimulates the release of old mental conditioning and rigid mind-sets, creating space to put new insights into practice.
Psychologically, this stone brings about emotional balance and calms panic attacks. It can transform a defensive or oversensitive personality, releasing the core fears, phobias, guilt and control mechanisms that hold you back from being who you truly are. It enhances self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-trust.
Sodalite aids, among other things, the throat, vocal cords and larynx and is helpful for hoarseness and digestive disorders. From The Crystal Bible, Judy Hall.
Well, that most probably covers all I’ve mentioned in my experience of sodalite, as well as issues I’m working on. I do remember just finding myself attracted to the sodalite in the display of crystals in the shop, which was Exquisite Earth in Merthyr Tydfil. I also remember the owner telling me to look up the crystal in a copy of ‘The Crystal Bible’ by Judy Hall and at the time it perfectly suited the situation I found myself in, and still do. However, I am working my way through to the other side, and I am certainly a lot, lot better than I was back then!
Art has taken a bit of a back seat to life in general lately. I am hoping to lose myself in some art in the very near future – such as as soon as I’ve finished this blog entry and got a mug of tea! I don’t have a lot of time this afternoon as I have a talk to do tonight.
Currently reading …
My reading list is really odd at the moment :
So, you can go figure!