Gosh, it’s nearly the end of another year.
Two New Year colouring pages are available in the https://www.facebook.com/groups/angelaporterscoloringbookfans
A little bit creepy-cute, a little bit of a different style from me – less ‘perfect’, more expressive, maybe. But always fun!
Drawing is something that brings me peace, contentment, joy and, when this kind of drawing is done, giggles!
However, I’ve learned recently that I can still provoke autistic burnout by losing myself in the art for hours and hours and hours over a few days. I forget that even my joy can end up in that kind of burnout that exhausts me mentally and emotionally.
I am trying to learn, but when I become time-blind, so lost in the creative process … looking after myself is so forgotten. It not just results in exhaustion, emotional dips towards darkness, but IBS flare ups too.
As I’m becoming more aware of my autistic traits and challenges, I’m finding out I really am not good at taking care of myself, of how burnout means I can put aside projects and tasks and never return to them.
I’ve known for a long time, I’m so much better if body-doubling or collaboration with someone who will gently help me stay on task while giving me the space I need to recover. Organisation, prioritising tasks, misinterpreting what is asked (or even not understanding the request as it’s not expressed clearly) is something I have struggled with throughout my life and how the two extended periods of depression and anxiety at the end of my teaching career were largely autistic burnouts complicated by CPTSD from a lifetime of being vulnerable and ‘different’.
At the moment, 14 hours of sleep a day is not unusual. Neither is remaining at home, in my safe sanctuary so I don’t add to the burnout.
These are all things that are hidden complications of autism. Not weakness. Not broken mind and emotions.
They are the struggles of daily life that are hidden behind the mask of coping and smiling and trying to fit in.
I speak openly about my autism these days, to help people understand that what you see in terms of behaviour – burnouts, breakdowns, meltdowns, hiding away from the world outside, stimming, and more, are the result of trying to live in a world that is just goddam too overwhelming and after 60 odd years of thinking I was broken, incapable, a problem, difficult, prey for those who need a victim to blame, I’ve had enough. And I hope that others who struggle like me, neurodivergent or not, may take some comfort, maybe inspiration from me, and permission to learn to be who they truly are (as I am trying to do, trying to raise the mask to show what has been hidden all this time) and to know that they are, as they are, enough, indeed good enough and are valuable members of society, regardless of their earning potential for the machinery of capitalism.
I am autistic. I am an autistic artist, scientist, sometimes writer and I am not ashamed of this at all.
#autistic #autisticartist #autisticcreative #autismawareness #AngelaPorter #Artwyrd
Art is the Adventure 
My daughter has Autism she is now ten years old but we knew by age of 18.months that she was responding differently than other tots and her twin brother. I have always loved various forms of media as a hobby and she would join me drawing and coloring late at night when she couldn’t sleep and was very anxiety ridden would pace all over the house at 2 am. She could hold a gel pen better than kids twice her age when she was only 3. She loved drawing shapes and practicing her letters and could even color in all the lines when she wanted to. One day a few years ago she started to grab reams of paper we had sitting in the house that was part of her school supply list and started to draw things she was familiar with like the emotions ( happy sad etc) animals her classmates and anything she loved like rainbows babies dresses with bows and more. She drew for hours the same things over and over sometimes in different colors or variations. Now her skills have evolved with time and I am amazed at the creativity of the characters she draws. She loves the movie inside out and started trying to draw the characters and did them in her own style. She took my good staedtler markers and my zebra highlighters picked out only the colors she wanted and has them in a marker bin she keeps on the side table of her daybed. When some colors run out she will dig through my stash to pick new ones .. most recently Crayola pastel markers š«šļøšØ. Her teachers and aides allow her to have her drawing free time at school now too if she completes her tasks or is having a moment. I am so excited to see where she will go with her creativity and am proud to have an artistic autistic imaginative child. I am a huge fan of your work and did not know you have autism so when I saw this post I just had to share the love and inspiration. I would love to show you some of her artwork if I can. I’m not sure if I can post pictures here. Will follow up if I am able. Thank you for sharing the wonderful post!
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Thanks for this brutal honesty. As an undiagnosed ADHDer, artist, musician, farmer, introvert, Iām finally learning to accept me for my uniqueness. I learned early in my 20ās how important it was for me to avoid burnout, but never really understood why the expectations of the world around me were so tough to handle. Being home during the pandemic was the happiest years of my life, so I decided then that I was going to start saying No to the outside expectations unless they gave me something I really wanted to do. As an experienced piano player, I CAN provide all the music for your wedding with a two week notice. I CAN play for the funeral of your loved one. I CAN accompany your kid at their vocal recital, and sometimes I love the rush of the challenge. But if you think I SHOULD just because I CAN, that will leave me exhausted. And then I need to get on my horse and ride away from it all. If only 60 years ago anyone had started teaching me to understand my personal boundaries rather than pressuring me to do more of things Iām capable of doing, I might have been able to control the burnout and be consistently more productive. Maybe because of my uniqueness, I seem to attract unique students (and animals), so my goal has become more focused on helping them and their parents understand their talents and individualism. Hopefully being open and honest can help the next generation learn it more quickly.
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