Busy, busy, busy … tired, tired tired.
Talk about busy! I barely seem to have had time to catch my breath, or that’s how it seems. And when I have I’ve just fallen asleep. I seem to have spun from bed to work to home to class or talk and home to bed again. Add to that a very upset tummy last night, and waking at stupid o’clock most nights and not able to get back to sleep unless I take a little guided meditation time. No wonder I feel shattered this morning.
Lesson is that I need to learn to manage my time better in the future – not to overbook myself with classes and talks and to make sure I come home in time to spend time unwinding and relaxing before bed.
Unlearning what has been learned.
The car is still out of action, and will be until after pay-day at the end of the month. I am hoping it will be fixed relatively easily and cheaply too, though with a SmartCar cheap isn’t often the word used to describe parts nor jobs easy. But I love my SmartiePants very much, even when, as at the moment, she is just ‘pants’!
Not having a car really clips my wings, in many ways, but it’s also making me ask others for help – something that does not come easily to my sheer bloody-mindedly independent nature, something I learned to be early on in life as the people you count on in life at a young age such as parents and siblings just didn’t want to know unless it was to make yet more fun of me.
I am learning to unlearn the lessons of my past, however, little by little. It’s surprised me how people are willing to help me. And the realisation is that people do just as I do for others, except that I don’t ask for help or expect help nor do I believe that I deserve their help. Or that used to be so. As a child I learned not to bother asking for help because those around me as a child were unwilling to help (unless it gave them glory by doing so), and I’ve never unlearned that lesson so that I no longer assume that others are like my family of blood were as I grew up.
Mind you, help has been offered even when it’s not directly sought. For instance, I have a talk to do next week in the Aberdare area. Getting there by public transport is not a problem, but getting home again is. I phoned the people who organised this evening, explaining about my poorly SmartiePants and they just told me not to worry, they’d come and get me, from home too, and I wasn’t even to think about getting partway there by train. Now, I’d’ve offered to do that for someone, but just never expect others to do that for me … lessons to be learned here methinks.
Another example of helped unlooked for yet given was when I was telling my friend who I’m sharing travel with to and from work until SmartiePants is fixed about my worry about getting to my weekly appointment on a Friday and to school in time for my first lesson of the day. She asked me about the time of my appointment and suggested that I go with her to work then take her car to get to the appointment and back and just replace the petrol I’ve used in doing so. How kind of her.
Bit by bit, I’m learning about accepting help and letting others into my life.
Nothing new this week, not really. But I do have a ‘commission’ to do for a friend this week. They’re making jams and chutneys like crazy with the bounty of nature and they plan to sell their excess. They loved my ‘Harvest Moon’ painting of last week, and have asked if I’d design labels for their jars in a similar style…and I have ideas already what to do, so long as they will fit in the dimensions I’ve been given, as well as the words they want on the label and space for the contents of the jar.
And that brought to mind the memories I had last week of writing labels for my fathers home-made wine and beer. Funny coincidences, synchronicities …