Angela Porter

Abstract art (top artwork) and inner monologues

I wielded a 01 Sakura Pigma Micron pen on a colourful, abstract, nebula inspired watercolour background. There are metallic golden splashes and highlights on this drawing which don’t really show up in the scan all that well.

Sometimes, a lot of times, it’s nice to create something that doesn’t have to be anything in particular other than pleasing to myself, colourful, and pretty. And that’s what this artwork is.

The patterns formed by the lines are my way of trying to bring some kind of structure to things that have seriously unsettled me since Thursday. Art helps to settle me, once I’ve settled enough to settle to do it, that is.

Actually, creating this drawing helped me to make sense of bits and bobs. And this is a perfect example of how my inner monologue works, kind of.

It’s only recently that I became aware that there are two ways in which people have an inner monologue (read more about it here :

It made me realise that I have an awful lot of abstract, non-verbal thoughts. I’ve always thought that I wasn’t a thinker, that I didn’t mull over things the way others do. It’s always surprised me that if I’m asked a question, I have the answer,, I know what my views and opinions are, but I don’t know how I’ve come to those conclusions, or processed the information. I take in a lot of from the world around me, I notice a lot, it gets processed and stored away without me thinking about it in word-thoughts, and it’s only if I’m asked a question or talking with someone that this comes out verbally.

So, it’s not surprising, now I know about that, that I recognise what creating this kind of abstract art can be a way for me to gain insights into what’s going on with myself, others or situations.

It’s been a revelation to me to discover this about myself, the way my mind words. I mean, my mind can be a very noisy place at times when I’m ruminating about something I said or did, or something that was said or done to me in the past. This kind of rumination was out of control until just a year or two ago and it was a function of the depression/anxiety that I experienced as part of cPTSD.

Now that I’ve had EMDR therapy for a number of years, my mind is a much, much quieter place. I have thoughts, I notice things, but I just don’t have this constant voice in my head commenting very negatively about me.

With that very negative inner voice going on, it’s a wonder I ever had time to take in and process and understand information. But I did. I must have. I have a degree and a PhD. I worked for 28 years as a science teacher. Reading, learning, curiosity is part of who I am. But I’ve always thought that I was lacking as I didn’t stop to think and work things through to gain understanding the way others around me seem to.

Abstract thinking. Abstract thoughts that have no verbal form or structure until there’s a reason for me to voice them. Who would ever have thought it.

And that explains my need to journal to make sense of things, or to work out what’s going on with my emotions and so on, to catch my ‘thoughts’. It’s how I turn these abstractions into words.

An interesting realisation for me on a Sunday morning.

ICAD 2020 – Day 01 (bottom artwork)

I’d heard about ICAD in the past but never felt the need to give it a go. However, someone creating an ICAD for this year’s challenge, and it inspired me to take a closer look.

ICAD stands for “Index Card A Day” and the challenge is run by Tammy of daisyyellowart.com.

It’s an annual challenge that runs for 61 days betwixt 01 June and 31 July. The aim is to create something on an index card using the prompts, or going off-prompt. That’s it. To create something each day on an index card, max. size 4″ x 6″.

So, I thought I’d try, though I’m a week late to the challenge, but no doubt I’ll catch up. The challenge for day 01 was “hopscotch” and one of the themes for the week was “typography”.

I used a paper punch to cut ¾” squares out of Distress Ink and Distress Oxide ink coloured background papers that I have in my stash for journal making. I edged them with ground espresso Distress Ink, added patterns in gold to the ones that didn’t have any, and then used Sakura Pigma Sensei pens to add the numerals and little patterns to each tile. I adhered them to an index card I’d coloured with Distress Inks, and then outlined them in black. I added a pattern of spirals behind them, some borders. Finally, I did the hand lettering.

I didn’t try to be perfect in anything, though I did draw pencil outlines to make sure I could fit “hopscotch” across the card. It was a lot of fun to do and didn’t take up too much time either.

As to whether I’ll complete the challenge, I don’t know. However, it’s something small to do each day and I can use it along with watercolour practice I’m sure.