It’s not very long until the school holidays now. Just nine school days left. And statements like that make me wonder if I like my job any more. Add to that statement a brilliant training day on Friday about managing behaviour from Rob Long which had me wondering if I have the skills to do well in teaching any more, has made me wonder if I really like children and wonder why I find it so hard to deal with some kinds of behaviour.
I don’t know if I have any definitive answer at all. Mostly I enjoy working with pupils. There are some I get along with extremely well indeed. There are many who I get along with well. There are some who don’t want much contact with me as a teacher, but work well, ask for and accept help, and do well.
Then there are some whose behaviour/attitudes just make it so difficult to reach them in anyway, no matter what you try to do, no matter what kind of lesson you do and prepare. I know they have problems and issues of their own, that their backgrounds may be unhappy ones. their role models for dealing with authority and problems may not be good ones, and so on. No matter what I try, nothing seems to work, and nothing seems to work anywhere, so far…
Rob’s workshop gave ideas, suggestions for things to do, try, to read about, to understand. I’m also sure that on a one-to-one basis progress could be made.
My own problem is that I focus on the small number I am unsuccessful with, which are often the small number others are unsuccessful with too, and which make life difficult for everyone. I’m also aware that I have my own problems that I’ve been having help with for the past three years or so, and hair-triggers for some behaviours myself, many of which I’m only just becoming aware of and learning to deal with…
I think that, on the whole, I do like children/young people. I do get along far better with those with special educational needs than those who have the very challenging behaviour. I do enjoy chatting with pupils, listening to their stories, their ideas. I do enjoy helping them progress and do well. My Achilles heel is definitely challenging behaviour, though in some cases I can work very well with pupils who show this, other times not.
As I’ve already mentioned, I focus on the negative, the effects of my childhood are that I feel I always have to be perfect, the best, an overachiever to try to gain recognition. The sense of failure with these pupils, despite all that I try, feeds the negative image of myself, and that is something I need to learn to change.
Regardless, I am looking forward to the break. I am emotionally tired.
Angela Porter 